worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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