my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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