hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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