Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
