Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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