Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
