Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
