So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
