I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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