Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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