and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
