So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
FUCK WHALES
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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