I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize