My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
