Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
