She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
