dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
