I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
