I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
