it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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