Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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