haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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