she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
