If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
