I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
