I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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