dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
