Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
