false alarm. still invincible.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
