$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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