I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
