Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
