My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
