just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
