Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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