Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
