im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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