I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
