but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Be still, my beating vagina.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon