Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face