I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
