Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.