I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy