I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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