Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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