i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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