Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
