He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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