dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
