it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize