I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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