Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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