You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
