if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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