Tell her she can't have a vagina
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
