My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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