I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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