very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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