i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
