just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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