genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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