Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
