Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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