You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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