my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Vodka?
Forever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
