Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He? As in you personified your dick?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
