Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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