so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
