No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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