everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
